There is only 3 more weeks of school... and 1 of them is finals week!! This is all very exciting and yet the end of school signifies the end of my lazy work days.
I hardly work during school and I love my job and will eventually get back in the swing of things but I really wish money grew on trees so I didn't have to go back! I would much rather relax!
John might be moving back to Chelsea! Which is actually really terrible news because 1) I am not leaving Toledo, 2) I have a really hard time when I don't get to see him often, and 3) His doctors are all here in Toledo and it would be a mess to switch all that back and forth.
He applied for 3 jobs yesterday and said he would keep applying for more so everyone please keep your fingers crossed for him so that he doesn't have to leave!
Anyways I sadly have to do A LOT of homework tonight and must get started or I will never finish!
More later
J+J
April 16, 2009
April 14, 2009
I feel so stressed... and happy
I am so stressed out right now I just want to scream and kick my feet... like a little child's tantrum and sometimes I have little clips flip through my head of what that would look like and it isn't pretty... so I refrain... and digress...
John got back in town on Sunday and it has been nonstop from then... Not just becuase of him... Obviously I'm busy with college and will be stressed about it until I graduate so that's not a biggy... just stressed and gonna get some serious stress ulcers by my next birthday (which is in like a month and a half!).
I am SO happy though which makes all my stress seem so small... The doctor (I guess she is a nurse practitioner, but just as smart as a doctor so we shall call her such) called us today. She was in the hospital with her other patients on Friday helping all of them and she didn't get John's phone message/ call until today. INSTANTLY called him this morning and said I am ordering a stool sample. THANK GOD! John's bowel issues ( I think I mentioned them last post) have not really gotten any better. He likes to tell me that the bilirubin is trying to make a come back into his stool but the way he says it makes me almost 100% positive that he is just saying it to try to calm my nerves (which I appreciate).
Anywho, at least we have something ordered!! =D
So, I go to the hospital today and get the stuff you need to get a stool sample... which is actually a lot more stuff than I expected (a "hat", a "popsicle stick", 2 specimen cups, and a paper bag, name tags and time tags). So lets just say I get it home and am so ready to get him to do this so we can turn it in and be DONE! and get results!!
So, as I was saying, I get home with all these supplies and I am told by John and my parents (who are the be all end all of health issues) and they inform me that I have to wait for the orders to come in the mail to see how many samples we need and how much for each sample! =(
I WANT AN ANSWER!! NOW!! I'll make John give 20 samples just so we are good and have enough then turn them in and tell them to run every test they can... I don't care if that is illegal. I WANT AN ANSWER!!
Oh well, I wait for now. I am still happy that they got something ordered!
John got back in town on Sunday and it has been nonstop from then... Not just becuase of him... Obviously I'm busy with college and will be stressed about it until I graduate so that's not a biggy... just stressed and gonna get some serious stress ulcers by my next birthday (which is in like a month and a half!).
I am SO happy though which makes all my stress seem so small... The doctor (I guess she is a nurse practitioner, but just as smart as a doctor so we shall call her such) called us today. She was in the hospital with her other patients on Friday helping all of them and she didn't get John's phone message/ call until today. INSTANTLY called him this morning and said I am ordering a stool sample. THANK GOD! John's bowel issues ( I think I mentioned them last post) have not really gotten any better. He likes to tell me that the bilirubin is trying to make a come back into his stool but the way he says it makes me almost 100% positive that he is just saying it to try to calm my nerves (which I appreciate).
Anywho, at least we have something ordered!! =D
So, I go to the hospital today and get the stuff you need to get a stool sample... which is actually a lot more stuff than I expected (a "hat", a "popsicle stick", 2 specimen cups, and a paper bag, name tags and time tags). So lets just say I get it home and am so ready to get him to do this so we can turn it in and be DONE! and get results!!
So, as I was saying, I get home with all these supplies and I am told by John and my parents (who are the be all end all of health issues) and they inform me that I have to wait for the orders to come in the mail to see how many samples we need and how much for each sample! =(
I WANT AN ANSWER!! NOW!! I'll make John give 20 samples just so we are good and have enough then turn them in and tell them to run every test they can... I don't care if that is illegal. I WANT AN ANSWER!!
Oh well, I wait for now. I am still happy that they got something ordered!
April 10, 2009
I HATE HEALTH ISSUES!
I hate people being sick. I know a ton of people who are sick. I work in a hospital. I love taking care of sick people and making them better. I do not like the fact that my best friend/ significant other is sick... all. the. time.
He is still having all the problems that he had last post and he finally decides to call his GI doc/ nurse practitioner. Well, we got to talk to Patricia's assistant. Oh goody, because Patricia is at the hospital all day with all her other dying patients! Cool! So her assistant says, call your PCP (primary care physician) and see if there is a bug going around!!
WHAT!!!????!!!????!!!!????!!!???!!!?!?!?!?!
I am in SHOCK right now!!
She said she would write it down for Patricia to see and if Pat thought it was serious she would call... John is going home this weekend and wont be able to come in if it is an emergency!
HELLO ASSISTANT!! Seriously is she new? He is holding in ALL of his bilirubin!! ALL OF IT!! His liver is only gonna die quicker now stupid! His eyes are disgusting yellow like they never have been and his skin looks as bad as ever!! We have talked to her assistant once before and she was so nice and this time she just brushes him off like he is gonna live... AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
I dont get it. I really dont. Even I know something isn't right and I'm not a doctor/ nurse practitioner/ assistant!
I hope John makes it through this weekend without crashing. I hope his liver starts to filter and he stops holding in all that bili. PLEASE let him be okay!! PLEASE!!
He is still having all the problems that he had last post and he finally decides to call his GI doc/ nurse practitioner. Well, we got to talk to Patricia's assistant. Oh goody, because Patricia is at the hospital all day with all her other dying patients! Cool! So her assistant says, call your PCP (primary care physician) and see if there is a bug going around!!
WHAT!!!????!!!????!!!!????!!!???!!!?!?!?!?!
I am in SHOCK right now!!
She said she would write it down for Patricia to see and if Pat thought it was serious she would call... John is going home this weekend and wont be able to come in if it is an emergency!
HELLO ASSISTANT!! Seriously is she new? He is holding in ALL of his bilirubin!! ALL OF IT!! His liver is only gonna die quicker now stupid! His eyes are disgusting yellow like they never have been and his skin looks as bad as ever!! We have talked to her assistant once before and she was so nice and this time she just brushes him off like he is gonna live... AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
I dont get it. I really dont. Even I know something isn't right and I'm not a doctor/ nurse practitioner/ assistant!
I hope John makes it through this weekend without crashing. I hope his liver starts to filter and he stops holding in all that bili. PLEASE let him be okay!! PLEASE!!
April 8, 2009
Update
I guess it is time for an update!
John and I are back on track, like much better than before. This fight definately helped and now we are back to we were when we first started dating, which is fabulous!
However, on another note, John isn't getting any better. His GERD is as bad as when he first got it. His meds aren't working anymore. His probiotic pill thing isn't working. He is having clear/ light yellow stool (which might be too much info, I know), but that is never good news because the bilirubin in our bodies is what makes out feces and urine the darker color. So, having lighter colors for those means he is holding in ALL of his bilirubin! THAT'S BAD NEWS!!
On the other hand, he is trying to eat less which isn't working because his appetite has only spiked and every time he eats something he has diarrhea (I know too much information again!) His doctor said it could be irritable bowel or just the fact that some people just have a bowel movement after every meal. Hopefully that's it, he doesn't need another diagnosis.
On the topic of eating, when we first started dating and while we were trying to figure out a diagnosis, he sweats SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much when he eats. He needs 2 napkins, one to wipe the sweat off his face and one to wipe his face and hands. (I know that is so much TMI in one post it is disgusting) But he hasn't had that in at least 3 months. Now it's back, full force. It's nasty. It's gross and I can't/ don't want to say that my boyfriend is gross but seriously I'm trying to eat here!!
Oh well, I felt like I had to get that off my chest and I feel so much better now that I did! Sorry for all the "too much information" parts of this post!! (And if you made it through this whole thing, Congratulations!)
John and I are back on track, like much better than before. This fight definately helped and now we are back to we were when we first started dating, which is fabulous!
However, on another note, John isn't getting any better. His GERD is as bad as when he first got it. His meds aren't working anymore. His probiotic pill thing isn't working. He is having clear/ light yellow stool (which might be too much info, I know), but that is never good news because the bilirubin in our bodies is what makes out feces and urine the darker color. So, having lighter colors for those means he is holding in ALL of his bilirubin! THAT'S BAD NEWS!!
On the other hand, he is trying to eat less which isn't working because his appetite has only spiked and every time he eats something he has diarrhea (I know too much information again!) His doctor said it could be irritable bowel or just the fact that some people just have a bowel movement after every meal. Hopefully that's it, he doesn't need another diagnosis.
On the topic of eating, when we first started dating and while we were trying to figure out a diagnosis, he sweats SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much when he eats. He needs 2 napkins, one to wipe the sweat off his face and one to wipe his face and hands. (I know that is so much TMI in one post it is disgusting) But he hasn't had that in at least 3 months. Now it's back, full force. It's nasty. It's gross and I can't/ don't want to say that my boyfriend is gross but seriously I'm trying to eat here!!
Oh well, I felt like I had to get that off my chest and I feel so much better now that I did! Sorry for all the "too much information" parts of this post!! (And if you made it through this whole thing, Congratulations!)
Keepin It Real
I'm supposed to be "Keeping It Real" because I was tagged by Jessica... Right now I am waiting for my internet to actually start working.
Right now I have nothing good to write and don't really feel like complaining anymore so maybe at a later date I will actually add some more blog... For now...
This is me keeping it real (sideways):
(my sister took it of me. she was making jokes and I couldn't stop laughing. so she snapped the picture and this is what we got)
Right now I have nothing good to write and don't really feel like complaining anymore so maybe at a later date I will actually add some more blog... For now...
This is me keeping it real (sideways):
(my sister took it of me. she was making jokes and I couldn't stop laughing. so she snapped the picture and this is what we got)
April 3, 2009
I am so tired
I am so tired today.
I am tired of the silence
I am tired of fighting
I am tired of complaints about pain
I am tired of health issues
I am tired of prescriptions
I am tired of diets
I am tired of not knowing what to do
I am tired of not being able to help
I am tired of not having the pager that was supposed to beep when the doc's were ready to save John's life.
I am just tired.
Tired of being tired
Tired of trying, not trying, crying, wishing I could give up. I'm just really tired.
Plus, I need some advice. John and I has a bit of a set back in our relationship (aka a really massive fight) and now we are having a lot of trouble pulling it all back together! I don't have much/ if any relationship experience before I met John and I don't know how to fix these situations. We've talked... at length... about all of it. We've given each other "alone" time to think it over. We've cried and yelled and just about everything in the book. I am tired of trying so much and nothing working. Someone, Anyone, Please, If you have advice please let me know I would appreciate it so much!
I am tired of the silence
I am tired of fighting
I am tired of complaints about pain
I am tired of health issues
I am tired of prescriptions
I am tired of diets
I am tired of not knowing what to do
I am tired of not being able to help
I am tired of not having the pager that was supposed to beep when the doc's were ready to save John's life.
I am just tired.
Tired of being tired
Tired of trying, not trying, crying, wishing I could give up. I'm just really tired.
Plus, I need some advice. John and I has a bit of a set back in our relationship (aka a really massive fight) and now we are having a lot of trouble pulling it all back together! I don't have much/ if any relationship experience before I met John and I don't know how to fix these situations. We've talked... at length... about all of it. We've given each other "alone" time to think it over. We've cried and yelled and just about everything in the book. I am tired of trying so much and nothing working. Someone, Anyone, Please, If you have advice please let me know I would appreciate it so much!
April 1, 2009
I just want to crawl in a corner and sleep and cry and be non-existent for a few days.
The last appointment we had with the doctor's went really well and I'm happy that the AST and ALT numbers went down, even is it was only by 3. But, they aren't looking for a liver for him anymore. No more pager that is going to beep when they have a possible liver/ donor. No more waking up in the middle of the night to run to the hospital to get prepped for the surgery that might save his life. No more waiting around until his doctor's call us to tell us they've "done all they can". Our lives are empty now.
That might seem weird. Why would someone want to sit around and just wait for all these things to happen. Because, we want him to live. I wanted a long life with him now I'm getting the "stuff 80 years worth of life into the 20 he has left" life. That isn't what I wanted. I would never break up with him over a stupid liver but it makes it hard and now that I know he wont get his liver for a while longer, I just want to stop caring and sit in a corner and cry.
I realize the doctors have their reasonings for not giving him his liver. But I also just realized, like right before I started typing this post, that their reason is because he is such a hard match and by the time he would get a liver that was the right size and the right match that he would be dead. I can't even ask people to get tested to see if they are a match for him. The entire process is over, ended, our hard work, shot.
I feel like crawling into a corner and sleeping and crying. A lot.
Stupid liver.
The last appointment we had with the doctor's went really well and I'm happy that the AST and ALT numbers went down, even is it was only by 3. But, they aren't looking for a liver for him anymore. No more pager that is going to beep when they have a possible liver/ donor. No more waking up in the middle of the night to run to the hospital to get prepped for the surgery that might save his life. No more waiting around until his doctor's call us to tell us they've "done all they can". Our lives are empty now.
That might seem weird. Why would someone want to sit around and just wait for all these things to happen. Because, we want him to live. I wanted a long life with him now I'm getting the "stuff 80 years worth of life into the 20 he has left" life. That isn't what I wanted. I would never break up with him over a stupid liver but it makes it hard and now that I know he wont get his liver for a while longer, I just want to stop caring and sit in a corner and cry.
I realize the doctors have their reasonings for not giving him his liver. But I also just realized, like right before I started typing this post, that their reason is because he is such a hard match and by the time he would get a liver that was the right size and the right match that he would be dead. I can't even ask people to get tested to see if they are a match for him. The entire process is over, ended, our hard work, shot.
I feel like crawling into a corner and sleeping and crying. A lot.
Stupid liver.
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