It's Time

I know I just posted yesterday about feeling like shit but it's been going on since if not before the break up that happened two weeks and 3 days ago.

I am doing really bad. Not just emotionally but physically which isnt helping the whole emotional thing. I am trying to look ahead and be positive but I just cant, everything I ever saw in my future involved John and I can't seem to picture anything but him in my future which just breaks my heart all over again.

Anyways back to the bug deal at hand. I am calling my doctors, obviously not tonight, it is too late, but I am calling and making my appointments for hopefully Saturday or Tuesday.

SHIT.

I didn't want it to come to this and when I woke up this morning I felt like I might be okay, maybe just a little better than last night. After my shower, I fell apart all over again. Swollen, headache, joint problems and some massive other problems that would require some more explaining before I write about them.

SHIT.

This sucks. I seriously hate my life right now. Hate it. And that's sad and I don't want to hate it but every time I try to be happy and do something that would make me happy I just picture John there with me.

It's sad to live like this and I truly hope that some day I can be like him and move on.

I just want some peace in my life.