Nothing New... Well, Not Really

I still feel like shit. No. I am not okay. I feel like I will never be okay.

However, there is some "new" news.

I guess it isn't new news because it has been happening since I was in 6th grade/9th grade.

I won't go into my medical history but if you add it up I have approximately 10 medical diagnoses.

I am a sick person every day. It isn't a cold that goes away it is something I have lived with since the time they appeared. Noncurable but not really life threatening.

Anyways, back to the "new" news. I had been doing SO good since I had started dating John. Although I am still on all of my medications, I was doing better. No breakthrough pain, no real bad problems.

Well, it's been 2 weeks and a day and a half and I am doing terribly medical wise. I have been having severe edema, severe swelling and fluid, severe pain and severe neurological symptoms. I am not doing good, at all, emotionally or medically.

Medications aren't helping now and I am starting to get worried. I feel like every night will finally be the night I cave and have to be admitted to the hospital.

SHIT.

I hate being a patient in the hospital, especially when I have so many diagnoses. The medications aren't going to miraculously start working and there is nothing new wrong with me that wasn't wrong with me in the first place.

It is just a big sit around and stare at walls fest. I am not ready for that right now. I am not ready for life outside of my mind right now. But I wasn't ready for these medical problems and am really really really.... etc. etc. struggling.

I wish someone could make it better or that it was just a nightmare that I could wake up from.

Please someone tell me it will get better.