devestated

i am devestated.

i am sick to my stomach. i can't sleep.

i packed up all of john's things. my room is so empty with out all his stuff in it.

im not giving up. i know it seems like it but i havent given up just yet. not until he tells me its over.

im giving him his space and time. im not calling him even though i would love to hear his voice.

i guess there is good news to report. before he told me we were going on a "break" we got his labs drawn for his liver appointment on monday. his labs were so low from what they have been. i was so happy until about 1 minute later when john told me what he came down to toledo to tell me.

my world is shattered right now. thank you to everyone for your support. i really do appreciate all of it even though i dont always show it.

if you need me ill be the one in the corner. trying to cry. still.