Jeez. I feel like I haven't updated this thing in a while! For a while I forgot about the blog and then for another while I couldn't decide if I had anything to write!
Well, something finally sparked my interest (on Thursday) and I have been thinking about it ever since and I think I finally have something to write... Not very interesting but I will finally write about it!
So, the sparker of interest? Private Practice of course! (This was the first time I had watched an episode of this show!)
So Addison and some cute guy with dialogue:
Cute Guy: "So you want to take the heart to save two people?"
Addison: "Why don't you like transplants?"
Cute Guy: "I like transplants. I hate waiting though."
Addison: "Oh, so it's the sit and wait."
Cute Guy: "Yeah."
Addison: "And it's the not being in control of it."
Cute Guy: "Yeah. And it's the hoping someone else will die so I can get my organ too."
Well, the cute guy has it ALL right!! (He's a doctor, a heart surgeon and they are waiting for a heart for this lady who is pregnant. Yada Yada. I wont explain the whole show but the lady finally gets the heart.)
Anyways back to the genius doctor and script writers! Even though we are no longer waiting for an organ there is a part of us that wont ever let go to that! We will always want to find a liver for him, give him a chance at a longer, healthier, happier life.
I can't stand sitting and waiting, and I can't stand not being in control and having to take a back seat to all of this maddness! (Just like the doctor feels)! I am not a patient person, unless I'm on the golf course, and I hate not being in control. Now, I'm not in control of a lot of things in my life but some of them I am and when I am not in control I feel helpless. I want SO BAD to be able to just walk into Life Connections and ask them for a pager and put John back on the list.
And then we get to the last thing that makes me connect so much with the cute doctor guy. I hate waiting around for someone to die to give John a liver. And there are criteria, you can't die in a trauma and your entire liver has to be healthy. You can't have a history of drinking or a large history of smoking. You have to be a certain weight and height and be dead for only a short amount of time with enough brain activity to keep the blood flowing to the organ. There are other stipulations to give your organs after you die, especially all the vitals like liver, heart, kidneys, and lungs.
I am a disgusting person for wishing someone would die to give John their liver. I am disgusting person because when we are out in public I size people up to try to decide if their liver would work, and if they would be a good candidate for liver transplant. I really am not a bad person, I know their family would miss them, but I know I would miss John so much that it would hurt to bad to continue on. It hurts me so much that we don't get as much time as we should have gotten. It hurts me so much that the only person I ever truly cared about and loved is dying and I can't do anything else.
It's sad and it hurts. This is my life. Everyday. I don't regret anything in my life so I do not regret any of this. I will regret everyday of my life when John dies and I am left alone. I know I will not be able to move on and I know that I will then be alone for the rest of my life and I am okay with that because all I want is John.
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I don't think you are disgusting for thinking that. People are organ donors for that specific reason! Not that they want to die as soon as they sign the forms, but they know that their are people out there that need their good organs. I think it's disgusting that people are not organ donors. I mean, when you die, you surely don't need your organs so let someone who DOES need them HAVE them.
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