I almost forgot...

I almost forgot I had a blog.
I logged on to my computer yesterday and felt like something was missing. I realized (once I had shut my computer down again) that it was my blog and I vowed last night to write a blog today.

Not much to write, probably will turn into some big ramble that doesn't matter.

John's been gone now for a week and a few days. It's definately different without him here. I lay in bed at night and just pray that he will walk through the door and just hold me so I can finally sleep. After my last post about not sleeping I slept 2 full nights and thought I was getting better until John left and I can't sleep again.

This Skype thing helps a little but I still want him here not there. He tells me about his days and his updates and I just want to cry because I am not there for any of it. I want to be there... I want him here.

He changed soap. Many would think this is not a big deal but I love the smell of soap and I love the smell of freshly washed John. I cant smell him over Skype and that sounds really weird and I know I am over reacting... It's just soap... but it's the little things like getting to hold him and getting to fill my nose with his scent and I miss that because I don't remember what he smells like or what he feels like to hold.

Now, I do put partial blame on my lack of short term memory and my poor long term memory. I was involved in a trauma when I was in 6th grade and now have severe brain damage that has completely impaired my short term and the only way I remember anything is to immediately transfer it into my small long term memory. I should have that info of John stored somewhere in there but I cant seem to find it and I cant pull it out and hold it close to my heart anymore.

Like I have said in previous posts I hate long distance relationships. I didn't want a long distance relationship and if I had known that John would have to move back home I'm not sure how long this relationship would have lasted. (I know that makes me shallow but it is my downfall and I just dont do well with long distance anything, even just friendships). I feel like hoping in my car everyday and drving there to see him. I have become increasingly sad and now I feel like just lying in bed and waiting for the next 3.25 months until John comes back.

Okay, well I am going to work out... maybe... if I can find the motivation. More later, sorry for my rants. Thanks for listening Blogger and Blogger friends!