Yeah great Valentines Day!
John's sick.
No Valentines Day for us.
We'll just sit home and he'll be sick and I'll watch sad movies.
It's 2 p.m. and he just woke up... JUST WOKE UP!! I have been skulking around the house since 7 am this morning and he gets to sleep in and then he makes me feel like the guiltiest person ever because he'll wake up and sound like he's crying and say that he had to sleep in because he's sick! OMG!! I'm sick too! I have chronic pain and nothing (not even Percocet and other combo drugs work)! I get up in the AM and I deal with my pain and my illness and you can just lay there and rest all you want? Ummm... NO! not fair!
Am I allowed to be sad too with this diagnosis? Does that make sense to anyone else besides me?? My boyfriend/ bestfriend is DYING!! DYING!!! and he acts like it is him against the world! I have been there this entire time through every test and every hospital stay and labs and just EVERYTHING else you could ever imagine that goes along with illnesses!
It breaks my heart that he is dying and I can't do anything for him... I don't know a lot and I can't say I've ever been smart but if I know 1 thing it's that I can't live without him. I will have to live without him someday and right now I can't face that but I think about it everyday... it is a constant thought... and it makes me sad!
I think I'm entitled to a little bit of sad time! I don't dwell on anything usually but how do you not dwell on something that will always be there and you will always be fighting with.
Stupid liver... Happy Flippin Valentines Day
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My husband works in one of the world's most dangerous jobs (he's a lineman - he works on the electrical lines and poles) and I have driven myself almost batty thinking about something happening and him not being in our lives. I've learned that we have to live in the moment and make each day the best we can. It's not easy to do every day and there are days that I wish we could re-do because they weren't very good ones. I make sure I tell him that I love him every day and every night. It's an awful feeling to think that our loved ones won't be in our lives forever, it sucks I know. While you might not be able to do anything to make him better, you can do lots to make the time ya'll have together better. You could start a journal where you right favorite times down with each other. Go through pictures and right on the backs of them what that day meant to you. Put together a scrapbook full of e-mails or letters or cards that you've given each other. Rent favorite movies and watch them in bed. Little things that you both enjoy, might make each day extra special.
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