These last 2 days have been torture and for some reason I don't see tomorrow as being any better. My nerves are shot and I feel like crying when I even hear anyone talk... literally anyone. I went to Walmart the other day to pick up some goodies to cheer John up and obviously there are a lot of people there... talking. I got all choked up and had to just run and grab what I needed and leave.
I will say that even though I feel like I am about to crumble into a million little pieces that are impossible to reassemble... I haven't cried and I haven't let John know I'm sad! I think that's an A+ on my report card!
Sometimes John will joke and I will "laugh" but it isn't a true laugh and I am glad that he hasn't caught on yet... I think it's his ears. His ears are so bad and just getting worse and I don't think he has much of a chance to keep all his hearing if we don't get that checked soon.
He is in constant pain and I feel so bad for him... Now it's rubbed off on me... I feel like I have all this pain all the time but it's not like an organ failure pain like his... Mine's so emotional and mental and maybe physical too just because of the exhaustion.
It doesn't make sense how so many people can battle diseases and even worse diseases then John's (I guess that might be a stretch) and they are fine... 9 doses of chemo in a week... Their fine! WTF!!?? John has to lay there and get worse and you get poked with a needle a few times a week and are all better!?!?!?!?!!??
I don't get it... I am just so sad right now I don't get anything!
SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE JOHN!! PLEASE!!!!! =...(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Is there a support group or anything that you can attend to get some of this off your chest? I'm sure blogging helps you vent a little, but maybe talking to someone face to face that has dealt with this would be even more helpful?
ReplyDelete