Seriously I have a thing for hospitals... call it a crush or just plain ol' love.
I've ALWAYS loved hospitals! I've been in a hospital about 3/4 of my 21.75 year life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's not my illnesses that I've loved (see below for the list of things I like), no, its the nurses and the doctors and the oh-so-comfortable beds and the fact that I am in a hospital and safe and if anything happened to me I would be okay because people were right there to save me!
Don't get me wrong... I still have a "thing" for hospitals... but it's fading. I still love the beds and the food and most of the nurses and most of the doctors. But, I don't love hospitals anymore and I don't feel safe in them anymore and I don't want to be there everyday like I use too! I don't want to go to the hospital in the morning with John because I feel like everytime they will want ot admit him again... for a long while... or they will send us out the doors again with no answers.
We have answers... We know he has hepatitis... We know he has fibrosis and cirrhosis... We know that this is what will end up killing him... And we know that there is only so much we can do by ourselves before we have to cave into all the pressures and admit him to the hospital and put him on life support...
I've been on life support before... actually a few times... and for a long while each time... It doesn't matter to the patient... I was in a coma... I don't remember... I know he wont either but I know that it is torture for the family to sit at their loved one's bedside and watch their vital signs crumble and be nonexistent and see the nurses crack ribs because of the CPR compressions... I know that it's traumatizing... my family can't talk about what happened to me and they cant even look at the pictures that they took to chronicle the whole experience! It's traumatizing... I realize that and the last thing I want is to see John hooked up to all of those wires and tubes and to realize that he might not wake up and he might not breath on his own again if he does.
I just want a liver... anyone's liver... SOMEBODY JUST GIVE HIM YOUR LIVER!!
SOMEBODY JUST PLEASE SAVE JOHN!! PLEASE! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!!
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Gosh, this post made me want to cry! I cannot imagine what you and John are going through. I wish there was something I could say or do that would help. It seems to me you are a strong woman and have been dealt a pretty crappy hand in the health department. Hopefully there is someone out there that can give John a liver and get him on the road to recovery. Stay strong!
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